Monday, March 20, 2006

Dear Indy & Burvis




Dear Indy (the first part is just for you),

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: Placing a
paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim
for it to become your dish and food, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest!

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball
when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep at right angles to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also
know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out
at the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If,
by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it
is not necessary to claw, whimper, try to turn the knob, or get
your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. I have been using the bathroom for
years -- canine attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog
butt. I cannot stress this enough!

And for your comfort, my dear Burvis & Indy, I have posted the following
message on our front door:

RULES FOR NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND MIGHT WANT TO COMPLAIN
ABOUT OUR PETS:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
That's why they call it "fur"niture.

3. I like my pets a lot better than I like some people.

4. To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons
who are short, hairy, walk on all fours, and do not speak clearly.

5. Finally, remember: Dogs and rabbits are better than kids because
they eat less; don'task for money all the time; are easier to train;
usually come when called; never drive your car; don't hang out with
drug-using friends; don't smoke or drink; don't worry about having to
buy the latest fashions; don't wear your clothes; don't need a
gazillion dollars for college; and if they get pregnant, you can sell
their children.
(author unknown)

Comments on "Dear Indy & Burvis"

 

Blogger ~d said ... (7:06 PM) : 

awww, my adopted sons...and I do refer the two kitties as being one another's brother and sister.
( I turned off my WVF thing, like hal...( said all dreamy) ) and so far (knocks on head) no spam.
I have NO memory...was your spam-ifier ON yesterday or off already. ***and hey, thanks for giving Proper Props to Hal for the namedecoder...Please come again. You may consider yourself unofficailly tagged if it will get you back to visit me!

 

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