Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Hit me baby.

Lets have a caption.

I told you.

One of the passengers, now able to talk said:

"he turned off the electrical minutes before we crashed"

Dead-stick, floating the plane, full of passengers, no engine, no control at 9,000 feet for 24 km looking for a place to put it down.

25-years-old, certain to know he was about to die, the ability to think to
shut down systems that would cause a fire the sparks connected to the fuel that was about to spill.

A hero.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Yah baby.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

No kidding! who knew?

Another great Bon-share!! Who is Cerys Matthews? Click here.


Monday, January 23, 2006

Jan. 23 is the unhappiest day of 2006

Recent findings by a health psychologist in Wales found that Jan. 23 is the unhappiest day of 2006.
The calculation is based on the poorest weather, debts owed for seasonal spending, the time since Christmas, the period of time before you abandon New Year's resolutions, the dates when motivation levels seems to be at their lowest and the timing for the need for action to escape the blues.

There is a way out tho! woohoo!

``Think about what makes you sad, know what's wrong, but don't ruminate,'' said Alisa Singer, a PhD candidate, who says she's found that the concept of "mindfulness'' can help prevent relapses in clinically depressed people.

Dr. Cliff Arnall of Cardiff University developed this formula for those who need to know: 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ divided by MxNA, where W is the weather, D is personal debt, and d is the amount of money a person will receive next payday. T is elapsed time since Christmas, and Q is the length of time since a person abandoned a New Year's resolution. M is a measure of motivation levels, while NA is the necessary action required to make one's life better.



ANNOUNCEMENT!
Turn that frown upside down!
(formula by Dr. SuzerJ)
heeeeeeeeee!

Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Empress - yup! that's me!

You are the Empress card.

The Empress is the archetype of the Mother.

She creates and nurtures life.

She represents the abundance of Mother Earth.

The Empress is capable of using
nature in a productive way.

She espouses art for art's sake.

Her planet is Venus, and she
embodies love of beauty and a strong value
system.
Here is also found initial sensation.
This is the first really physical experience of
the world that The Fool has entered.

The Empress has a rich understanding of the world
based on her five senses.

In a reading, The Empress represents pregnancy, actual or
metaphorical.

She indicates an act of creation and a sensual experience of beauty.

The Empress is a nurturing force that wishes to see the product of her experiences reach the next stage of development.



Saturday, January 21, 2006

Numbers.

It's raining numbers.
Trust me.
News to follow in a few days.

Howl!

Borrowed from Ms. Tindle (what a grrrreat share girl-rockstar!)

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Suzer J!

  1. California is the biggest exporter of Suzer J in the world.
  2. Suzer Jomancy is the art of telling the future with Suzer J.
  3. If a snake is born with two heads, the heads will fight over who gets Suzer J.
  4. Some hotels in Las Vegas have Suzer J floating in their swimming pools.
  5. It takes 8 minutes for light to travel from the Sun's surface to Suzer J!
  6. Suzer Jology is the study of Suzer J.
  7. About 100 people choke to death on Suzer J each year.
  8. Never store Suzer J at room temperature.
  9. The first domain name ever registered was Suzer J.com!
  10. Suzer J once came third in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest!
I am interested in - do tell me about

Totally stolen from Bon.

Q1) Have you ever been drunk? Yes.
Q2) How old were you the first time you got drunk? Behind my small town rink. Lemon Gin. Haven't touched it since. Oh. and I was 14.
Q?) Have you ever gotten/given digits while you were intoxicated? um.
Q4) Have you ever drunk dialed? No.
Q5) Have you ever been drunk in front of family members? No.
Q6) Have you ever had to cover up the fact that you were drunk? No.
Q7) Have you ever been arrested for any alcohol related crime? Not on your life!
Q8) Have you ever hooked-up with someone while drunk? No.
Q9) Ever forgot their name? Oh my, yes I have.
Q10) When was the last time you were drunk? I can't remember. *bahaa!*
Q11) Have you ever been on a drunken binge? No.
Q12) Do you need alcohol to have a good time? Not a chance!
Q13) What kind of alcohol gets you the most intoxicated? Um.
Q14) Favorite liquor: I'd have to say....Port. I love a good heavy Port. *shrugs*
Q15) Favorite beer: Corona.
Q16) Have you ever woken up after a night of drinking and found throw up? No.
Q17) Have you ever swam drunk? No, thats really dangerous!
Q18) What kind of a drunk are you? Funner!
Q19) Is alcohol like "truth serum" to you? No.
Q20) Favorite drinking partner: My hubby.
Q21) Who is the most annoying drunk that you know? My hubby.
Q22) Who is the most flirtatious drunk? um. Me.
Q23) Do you have a drunken nickname? Yes.
Q24) Funniest drunken scene in a movie: Must Love Dogs (I didn't say it was a good movie!...drunk scenes are the best tho!)
Q25) Favorite song(s) about drinking: Anything from Bob and Doug McKenzie's Great White North (they are all about drinking)
Q26) Have you ever woken up next to someone you didn't know? No.
Q27) Have you ever been hit on by someone way older than you? Oh yes.
Q28) What's the worst buzz kill? Headlights in my lane coming at me (as passenger)
Q29) Have you ever dated a bartender or bouncer or cocktail waitress? Nooooo. (to be clear..that is a nooooo with regret...I have a story about this..I will share another day..a tease...a 'guest' bartender at a fame-honky tonk bar)
Q30) Do you ever say to yourself, "Dang, I need a drink?" Ohhhh yah.
Q31) Do strangers ever buy you drinks? Yup.
Q32) Have you ever drunk too much on a date? Yup.
Q33) Is there anything that you refuse to drink? See Q2.
Q34) Have you ever been drunk on a plane? ewww.
Q35) Have you ever gotten drunk during the day? What time is day?
Q36) Have you ever had to run from the cops and leave the beer behind? Yup.
Q37) What's your favorite drinking game? Hide 'n seek.
Q38) Have you ever injured yourself while drunk? Yup.
Q39) What's the most destructive thing that has happened while you were drunk? Broke a plate, a heel, and...a bra-strap...nice mental image eh?...you should have been there!
Posh-nosh restaurant too. heeeeee!
Q40) Ever been drunk at a concert? Yup.
Q41) Are you still friends with someone you met while wasted? Nooooo.
Q42) Why do you drink? gee, tuff question. Really.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

^


" ^ "......is not a barbie hat.



so
" ^5 " is...high five!

*whoof!*

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

the only perscription... is more cowbell!





More Cowbell!!
This fantastic wonderful blogaful chick tagged me.
and so.

here goes.


Four jobs you've had in your life: 1st job ever.
Oil & Gas - Assistant Land Management administrator. I was 19, paid a disgusting amount of money, surrounded by lux offices and loved loved the job because the people were nuts, the clients even crazier (farmers, land owners and such) and I got to fly all over the place for free! That is until the National Engergy Prog. hit..brrrrr.
Commercial Property Management, it paid very well too. But..the job was a giant stress-string wrapped around my entire spirit, did it for far to long. Teacher, which, was really fun in a private school setting i.e., if I wanted to have my class escape the confines of the four walls and do math in the sand on the beach...I just did it! No parental signed forms needed etc., and it turned horrid in a setting where public school rules were adopted, meaning, parental signed forms needed. So outta there! Scientist/Researcher. Another fab job. whhhheeeeee! paid super good, and..got to fly everywhere in cool things like float planes and choppers. Current job...own a business. At the moment..it sucks..really sucks...sucks bad. For the most part tho? It's rocked. Stay tooned.


Four movies you could watch over and over:

The Shawshank Redemption, The Thing (hey), One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Goodfellas Blues Brothers (Rocky Horror Picture Show, so, I just broke the 4 rule)

Four places you've lived: My childhood home in smalltown (16 years). My fort in the woods behind my childhood home in my smalltown (16 years). Big Effing City (17 years). Small, 8 mile by 10 mile island in the middle of the ocean (4 years).

Four TV shows you love to watch: Commander and Chief, Corner Gas, Boston Legal, Greys Anatomy

Four places you've been on vacation: On the ocean in our 22 foot cuddy cabin (many times). On a mountain in a rustic cabin. On a lake in a cottage cabin. On a rock bluff in a B&B cabin.

Four websites you visit daily: Here. There. Everywhere. and this.

Four of your favorite foods: All, I love all food. Really! Ohkay if I must pick. Fruit. Veggies. Indian food. German food.

Four places you'd rather be: Planet populated by a higher-being. The top office of the UN.
Wilderness. Remote beach.

Four albums you can't live without:
Pink Floyd (any) Gensis (any) Cowboy Junkies (any) B52's(any)
(the mix my ear needs)

Four magazines you read: Wired. Time. MacLeans. Biz Week.

Four cars you've owned: Gia. Cooper S. Charger. TR6. (I have to add the MGB, I'm sorry, I broke the four rule, to bad *sticks out tongue*)

Four people to do this meme: Devin.
Smoobs.

Everyone else is already 'ffin tagged!

Sunday, January 15, 2006

WARNING

WARNING
This blog is located in a seismically active area, and in the event of an earthquake serious injury or property damage may occur.
END WARNING


Earthquake Felt on Vancouver Island

Jan, 15 2006 - 12:30 PM

The Pacific Geoscience Centre says there was a magnitude 3.9 quake around 4:30 this morning.

It was reportedly felt north to Duncan and west to Sooke.
No damage has been reported.
The last widely-felt earthquake on Southern Vancouver Island was a magnitude 4.6 quake back in April 2003.


Yah. Well I felt it. Woke me up.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Caption?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Snain.

Snain. Snain go away.
Wet, windy, cold and miserable.
I stand corrected. 28 days of rain.


Listening to:
Radioactive Toy by Porcupine Tree
On The Turning Away by Pink Floyd
Human Race by Red Rider
Hearts by YES



Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Day 23.



















It has rained for 23 days straight.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

The least I could do.

You may have arrived here by misspelling Gmail. We understand. Typing fast is not our strongest skill.
We have met a lot of new friends online though and our web traffic is through the roof from visitors from all over the world.
So we're putting ads here to help us pay for all the bandwidth. Please, stay as long as you like, and check out our Tea Infuser.
We also just launched our brand new Facepod MP3 protector which is featured in indy record stores across the country.




Hello - thats all. Thank you.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Crack.


Sombody said:

"there is a new way that government is going to come at youth about the dangers of smoking pot. They are ramping up a campaign; pot is laced with crack"

Huh. well. then.

"I researched on the net, if crack is mixed with pot, it won't light"

Huh. well. then.

"and why would anyone selling pot want to mix the crack with it?"

Huh. Well.

Ok. So. some info needed here. Anyone?

Google Visual Arts Program. Room 666.

Google is Packing.
Google rolled out a software bundle. Google Pack grouped its own utilities, like Google Earth and Google Talk, with products such as Symantec’s Norton AntiVirus 2005 and RealPlayer’s RealNetWorks. (note: with this pack, a self-healing Microsoft XP program to fix all your troubles)

“The Internet isn’t about a web page,” Terry Semel said in Friday’s speech. “It’s about infrastructure and a delivery vehicle for communications and entertainment.”



Google is kicking everyone in the Googlies.

rEd meat.

Die and go to Ipod Heaven. or.
Google Hell.













Listening to:
In The Skys by Peter Green
Hard Wired by Tracy Chapman
Change by Tracy Chapman
Kind of Perfect by Kacy Crowley
Open Arms by Tracy Chapman
Flowers in December by Mazzy Star
Ode To My Family by The Cranberries
The River Shade by The Radar Bros.


Home on the range.

I have no idea who the gentleman is.
and.
the one sitting beside him?
looks like Sasquatch.
This picture depicts the male Canadian very well.
Superb in fact. but. missing a case of beer.
ah well.
So.
My guy, my sasquatch...he brought home one of these. Seems a Bed&Breakfast needed to get a larger one, and, looked to off-load to a friend in need. Great price.
It's set up on our new deck, 10 feet off the ground, which we haven't put a railing on yet.
Soon. Within the next two months I'm hoping.
Yes. Times are tuff. but. we can always find a way eh.
and so.
soon I will be relaxing, looking out over the city, to the Beaufort Range.

Home, home on the range indeed.

Listening to:
Cowboy Song by Thin Lizzy
I am just a cowboy lonesome on the trail
A starry night, a campfire light
The coyote call, the howling winds wail
So I ride out to the old sundown

I am just a cowboy lonesome on the trail
Lord, I’m just thinking about a certain female
The nights we spent together riding on the range
Looking back it seems so strange

Roll me over and turn me around
Let me keep spinning till I hit the ground
Roll me over and let me go
Running free with the buffalo

I was took in texas I did not know her name
Lord, all these southern girls seem the same
Down below the border in a town in mexico
I got my job busting broncs for the rodeo

Roll me over and turn me around
Let me keep spinning till I hit the ground
Roll me over and let me go
Riding in the rodeo

Roll me over and set me free
The cowboy’s life is the life for me

and......
You're Not Very Well by The Charlatons
It'll Never be Over To Me by Los Lobos
Why This One by The Cowboy Junkies
Stormy by Santana
Limbo by Bryan Ferry
Rock & Roll Stew by Traffic
Kiss and Tell by Bryan Ferry and Roxy Music
Feels Like Fire by (feat. Dido) Santana
True Love by Glenn Frey
Through My Eyes by Phil Collins
Get In The Car by Echo and The Bunnymen
Incident At The Neshabur by Santana



Saturday, January 07, 2006

Old money.

Always large, double. The doors had weight, big- heavy weight as they were pulled open. And always both doors opened, never just the one.
Dark marble foyer. Very droll, awful colored paintings on oak panelled walls. of people I never knew, nor did the owners know.
Large oak round table, always. Huge, beautiful bunches of fresh flowers in season.
Velvet. deep blue blood red, rectangle rugs. gold tassels. Heavy framed mirrors.
Lizard skin, patten, leather in all manner, lots of leather, coats, shoes and purses. Grandfather clock ticking, tocking.
Smell, smell the linger of a good cigar recently indulged. perfume, perfume so light I wonder was it the flowers?
Another set, double doors. wrought iron. stained glass.
Perfect blonde hair. both men and women. blue or green eyes.
Tall. thin. standing perfect. no slouch. no bones sticking out. skeletons hung in position by fish line I imagined. not moving.
giggles. awkward and confident, small conversations.
Mascara, just enough.
pale skin. light light pink rouge.
blue, red, black wool and silk. finest. men and women. carpets and rugs.
Silver serving tray. Small gilded tables. smaller uncomfortable chairs, never to be sat in.
Housekeeper. bent. sweeping the rooms with a silver serving tray.
Animal heads. Fur. Glass eyes. both on people and walls.
Fire and stone.
Taffy hook.
Usually a taffy hook would be found in any one of the kitchens in any of these homes. I sought out the taffy hook. I don't know why to this day. I heard on more than one whisper of a mother's lips "she's a bit odd", they were right. That is odd. Maybe because the taffy hook made the house real. Oh I wish I had a digital camera in those days. or. any camera. Taffy hooks in all sizes and bits of art in themselves. smooth copper, bright in spots (the place most used) and dull in others.
A tradional January gathering of my friends and I.
At any one of our homes (about 10 of them or so) during the cold, fridged, dirty month of January.
Compare. no, not bruises, fort and war stories.
gifts. grades.
shame.
I had wonderful fort, tree climbing and war stories. I had found an old farmhouse on my travels, cracked, ruined and ready to fall if only I blew on it. I counted with large giant steps, one, two, three, from the back, kitchen door. You see. I was looking for the dump. Where the household dumped their garbage. Amazing treasure found there. Old bottles, containers, even jewls. I would sit, digging, discovering, holding the object and dream about who, why, what were they like.
If it weren't for the thick stockings I wore, the purple, green and black bruises I had on several parts of my legs were really something.
An older sister, an engagement to be silly about, of course happened on Christmas past. A brother off to University or worse (what I imagined). An ill family member. (none of them mine, I was never with my family and to be clear, I'm not 10 here, I'm in my late teens and no longer at home)
Many of us sneaking a bit of booze in the others drink. That was about the worst of it.
It's no wonder I suffered badly from panic in my 20's and twinges of it in my 40's.
"My, you do turn out when you want to dear", the mother, granmum, old aunt, old friend...just old of the friend and friends I was visiting. I would think of that person's daughter or son, the position that I saw them in when they were slumming it at one house party or another that we cruised for in our respective cars.
A slight kick on the ankle from some awful boy who thought he was a man, whispering in my ear that he could still beat me in a horse race and wanna go on Sunday?
To hot.
To sticky.
To stuffy.
Made my excuses, appropriate thanks you's, regards from family and found my way to fresh air. I was always without family. by myself.
My way to the world.
I laid eyes on my first black person in the flesh at the age of 14.
Sure I'd seen them in magazines, National Geographic and such.
I was struck. then ashamed I was struck. I had lived a sheltered life. but. I have secrets.
they are mine. someday I will tell. not now. for now they stay in the attic.
I'm so thankful.
I might be in a shithole right now. Have been in a few shitholes in fact.
All I have to do is look back, look back in time, think of the other shithole I'd be in if it weren't for this one.
The last of that old money has been trying to reach me.
She means well. I know. She is doing what she is supposed to do. I know that too.
It makes me want to cry.
Who wants to play? I do. But I don't want to play THAT game anymore.
good god why? just go away.
I wish it would, go away.
I don't want to be there.
I don't want to be reminded. It wasn't my choosing, those things, those ways, those people.
I've become a snob.
The last laugh is...on me.
(It was this picture that brought all of that up. What is the picture of? I haven't a clue.)

Friday, January 06, 2006

How could it get worse?

My longest term employee (7 years) gave one week notice today.






Happy Friday lasted all of what? 30 minutes.
So.
This is now The Leaky Roof Studio.
When I stepped into my laundry-room off the kitchen, my feet hit water.
I looked up.
A large, speading, mass of moistness-ness in the ceiling is what I was greated with.
New roof.
Put on in October.
So. The price of the roof amortized for the period it has been on, 2,000.00 per month.
great.
**updated Sunday January 8, 2006
and so.
The fella that helped put the roof on? He dropped by on Friday. Said he would be back Sunday (today), install a bit of flashing and that should fix it up.
yah!

Today's spam:
(see? how do they know???? wow! they are amazing I tell ya.)

Friday. yah.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

First Canadian?

I just donated a $100 gift certificate to this.
I wonder if I am the only Canadian co. to do that?
Hope there are more.
I love innovation. Blogs, the bloggies, as innovative as it gets in my books.

(I just found out, AFTER I made the donation, that this blog here, yup this one, was nominated. who knew? how wow is that? Some peeps rock. (watch this space for a long-ass list of noms for a bloggie.)

Listening to:
Tony Hawks American Wasteland (wanna guess?)

Today's Spam (how do they know?)
Todays special offers: VIAGRA FOR AS LOW AS $1.62 PER DOSE
CIALIS (super viagra) FOR AS LOW AS $4.38 PER DOSE
LEVITRA FOR AS LOW AS $4.44 PER DOSE
.... and much much more special offers today.


YOU NEED 15 MINUTES TO BE READY FOR ACTION.

They killed the salesman in the name of Wal Mart.

Listening to a fellow who is the VP of Forrester Research.

He was talking on the radio about the giant tech show being held this week. (if you click this link, pay close attention to the comment to the Globe story provided by a reader).

He states manufacturers and retailers are not doing their job in providing support for all the gadgets they are manufacturing and selling.

i.e., people own HDV tv's without HDV services.

MP3's, no support and you are lucky if the consumer can get it to work nevermind use all the functions.

He went further, suggested device manufacturers, need content to be interesting and the consumer is not happy if consumer has to make it work with little or no support. Gee. Sounds like relationship eh. hmmmm.......

Ok. come closer. this bit is free.

You (manufacturer) killed the salesmen and you'd best be bringing them back to life.

In your bid to cut costs so you could get your product onto the largest retailer shelves, you forgot about something. The consumer. You see, this is a threesome. You, consumer, and retailer.

Manufacturer's, to save money, stopped spending money on little things like, the knowledgeable salesman.
and.
Retailers, are left with little information to pass on to the consumer.
Further, the consumer, expects the cheapest price (i.e.,Wal Mart's price) but also want to be provided with all the education to operate the gadget. The price of the product has been driven down so cheap there is no room to support the consumer education factor.

Consumers are forced to buy at Wal Mart (cheapest price) then lie to those retailers they didn't purchase the product from to gain hands-on knowledge about the product they purchased elsewhere. (this happens to my company daily, we provide the information and hope that customer comes back to buy something eventually. Our numbers are not supporting that theroy however.)

Manufacturer's today, go straight to the consumer market, no sales support.
The retailer is stuck with educating on it's own so it can support the consumer.

It seems this is catching up with the manufacturer, it's bitting them in the ass.
They are losing sales. go figure. As the sales drop, the desire on behalf of the Wal Marts of the world to keep the product on the shelf wains.

My bit of advise is worth millions and millions of dollars to manufacturer's everywhere.

Bring back the salesman, build the price into the product and fuck Wal Mart and their driving down the price so far that you can't support your product with knowledge and education to those selling your product and in turn the consumer.

Don't do it manufacturers and it will be the loss of billions in sales. Take your crap out of Wal Mart if you have to, sell it to retailers who will provide a level of service for your product ( do it under contract if you have to, see Apple) and you will gain billions in sales.

Take my word for it.

(p.s., you are going to have to offer me some super spiffs to get your stuff on my shelves...I have manufacturers trying hard to get their stuff in my store....because, I support the product for them, make them look good, really good and those manufacturers support me. gee. seems like that is how business used to be. go figure.)

(p.s.s., reported today "Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the world's largest retailer, said sales in the US last month rose 2.2 percent, the smallest December gain in five years, as it cut prices to lure holiday shoppers" hmmmm.)

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Don't need to say a word.

Works for me.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Downer. Read at your own risk.

I had soooo much fun here.

I really do have 'that' side of me, that I just don't ever seem to be able to 'let' out because I'm to busy .
Been to busy for the past ....... or so.

I'm mired in poop. Up to my neck in fact...and I just can't seem to ......., at will, call that part of me (that we all KNOW is there) to the plate.

So whats up?

1. ....... ....... ....... ....... ....... Bad bad choices.

2. My ........ There are to many reasons to go into, many my own fault, and many not in my control. I'm pooping my pants so much I can't muster a vision for 2006 for my company. I really feel like it is ....... ....... . and. I'm not alone. There are so many small businesses poo-pooing last year, wondering if they will make it this year, and so on. These are people that buy from me. I don't know if they will be around to buy stuff from me in even 6 months! and...this is all on a whisper. Nobody is talking about this in public.

3.

4. My husband. His ....... ....... . He is ....... , ....... , taking and well...you know. He will ....... this year, I am certain of it. Bad thing to say or think? no. It's my reality. and. We are here. I've tried to ....... him, but you know, if you don't want to ....... yourself, well nobody is going to do it for you. So there. The ....... is written.
....... years old. sad. and, it pisses me off.

5. My other ........ I haven't seen them in so long, I miss them all so much. No, I don't have the extra ....... jump on and go-see.

Up to my neck in poop.
Pathetic.
I'm still ...trying, but I'm getting ....... .
really fucking ....... .

Only in Canada eh.


Our very own National Mitten Registry.


GUIDELINES FOR MITTEN SPOTTERS

Some clip-'n'-save rules of woolen thumb for your winter of glove spotting.

- Keep your eyes peeled around mailboxes, cash registers, subway turnstiles and anywhere else people tend to be digging around in their pockets. Our research shows these are mitten hot spots.

- Does the found mitt look too gross to touch? Has it been repeatedly run over? Is it submerged in slush? Leave it be!

- Is it propped up on a fence post? Again, leave it be! While we'd like everyone to participate in the National Mitten Registry, the greater goal is recovery.

- While we sympathize with the plight of lost earrings, socks, keys, laptops, umbrellas and pets, they are more than we can handle here at the Mitten Registry offices. Handwear only, please!

- An online gallery of all registered mitts will be maintained at www.nationalpost.com/mittens

- Please direct mittens with your coordinates, the mitten's coordinates and your anonymous voting intentions to National Mitten Registry c/o Benjamin Errett, 300-1450 Don Mills Rd., Don Mills, ON, M3B 3R5.

THE NATIONAL MITTEN POLL

This year, to celebrate the first winter election in a generation, we will conduct the first-ever National Mitten Poll. We humbly posit that this unprecedented means of surveying sharp-eyed voters will change the face of polling in this country.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Revenge

"There is no revenge so complete as forgiveness"
--Josh Billings

"Revenge is always the weak pleasure of a narrow and weak mind"
(who wrote that?)


Monday by a technicality

I named all the cars I have owned.
A Ghia, a standard, I learned to drive in, her name was Rosebud. I also learned how to fix each one of the cars I owned. I did enjoy it, and, I never had any money for repairs. And so. My love afair with cars began at the age of 15.







My luck with Monday's has been, bad.
I wonder, if, today being a holiday, and a Monday by a technicality, if it will be a better Monday?

Floods. (cross your fingers, heading into the office to survey....see, the 'office' is right on a river, and, we've had a butt-load of rain in the past 10 hours, with a 12 foot tide. Oh, the tide? a river on one side and yes, the ocean on the other side of that. This Aries is surrounded by water)
News coverage.
The publisher, he asked, very nice-nice, if I would go out this morning and get pictures.
So. I will.
Coffee and then I'll head out into the aftermath.

Listening to:
Wedding Song by Tracy Chapman
The Big Lie by Gigolo Ants
Touching Down by Billionare

Sunday, January 01, 2006

The police took my car last night.

I know!

WTF?

Miss capital R, for responsible?

The designated driver for life?



The one who makes sure every single little itty bitty detail is taken care for:
trips, concerts, brunch, lunch, munch, tea party, garden party, toga that ALWAYS goes naked party, surfing, turfing.....ok, you get the picture.

but.

Last night.

The Police took my car away.

It went like this.

Myself, friends and I, we went to the hockey game (yah!!!woot! we won A-FREAK'N-GAN. Thats 12 in a row, number 4 in Canada..we SOOOOOOO rock!)
Ohkay. So. Lots of nice Police at the game, most of whom, I personally know.
You know, well enough to put out my hand, say Happy New Year, hows is your wife? and those darling children (not), please bring them in to see Indy soon, he adores them, etc. etc.
Oh, 1,900 people at the game. I knew 1,800 of them.

So.

Miss R here, says, to group "ANNOUNCEMENT ANNOUNCEMENT", "we are leaving 10 minutes before game done...I'm so not getting MY CAR dented, smashed and what-not by the 1,700 drunks in here. ", a grumble from somewhere...

and.

The game? it was tied-up. everyone looks at me...

"what now"?, I'm like, "of course we stayyyyy"

and.

Our team un-tied it, we.....leave, before the 1900 people.

All smart and happy with myself. I only had ONE drink, beating all the traffic, heading to pick up my Indy and over to friends for cheer and munchies.

Well.

I no soon pull out, get onto the road heading home, someone in the back seat announces, "um...there is a police car right behind you". "thanks, nothing like making me nervouse".

no biggie I figure. driving along...and WHAM !!!! FREAKING WHAM!!!!

Lights going, sirens full on, SOMEBODY from the backseat says, "were you speeding? were you speeding"???


My girlfriend in the front seat, she's yelling no! not! she was driving perfect!

racing through my head...what the hell did I do???

and so. We sit. On the side of the road, New Years eve....waiting.

A Police officer comes to my girlfriends side of the window, knocks on it.
I'm thinking huh?
Then the knock on my window.
I'm thinking 'oly shit, we are flanked by cops.

The guys in the back? not a fucking peep out of them. Go figure.

So, my friend and I roll down our windows.

Police says to me, "drivers license please"
I'm trying to get a look at the guy to see if I know him, it's dark, raining, lights flashing...couldn't see him.

He says:
"Your signals aren't working". I said "my signals aren't working? are you sure"?

He says, "no, no, you have no insurance".
I am silent.
I'm thinking. ok. he said. no signals, I'm certain of that and I know I have signals, my car (my baby) is fairly new, goes in for maintenance every 3 months, oil changes, all-points check...(I'll spare you the list)

no insurance?
no insurance?
how can.

My girlfriend pulls the paperwork from my little insurance kit..guess what?
Insurance ran out November 17, 2005.
My girlfriend pipes up to the officer,
"her Insurance broker is in the car", "he is in the backseat"...the policeman says,
"HE'S NOT VERY GOOD THEN" heeeeeeeeeeee!
(I almost bust)

uh huh.

Policeman says, "this car is not allowed on the road".

"I could, tow the car, write you a ticket"

I'm thinking. yes. you could.

He says, "park it, call a cab and deal with this on Tues."

I'm thinking, it will be dealt with on Sunday, because the insurance guy is in the backseat...there are two guys back there, I know, you wouldn't know it because there isn't a peep coming from back there is there?

"thank you so much officer, thank you thank you, I'll get this taken care of"
I'm thinking my girlfriend and I should dump the putzes in the backseat and show our appreciation to these two fine young officers after their shift is over, give the handcuffs a workout, try the take-down technique (see butt sniffing and free romping blog Dec. 31)........

that little fantasy is interupted by

"do you know how much that ticket is? $575.00", in unison "$575.00"
coming from...you guessed it, the back seat.

THEN! THEN!

get this!

The two guys, in my backseat? get out, go over to the police car, stick their heads in the windows of the cruiser and fucking chat and joke around!!! Fucking men.

THEN! THEN!

Ok. So.
it's my car, my baby..but, since hubby is on the road wayyyyy more than me, he gets to drive the "nice" car.

Yes, the insurance notice thingy would've been mailed to ME, but he drives it.
Everyday. puts miles and miles on my car. and that insurance broker in the backseat? his best friend. uh huh. putzes.

WHO? WHO is the one that should make sure the sticker, insurance sticker is up-to-date?

Hit me baby. Tell me.