Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Horny. (*tsk*, I'm talking about dogs!)












Ok. So my baby, Indy, he is the Write On! greeter.

His sole purpose in life, combat the new Wal Mart greeter coming to our community.
Almost one year ago, Wal Mart opened in our small town.

I freaked. (that Wally world was coming)

My responce?

The same any self-respecting company president would have, run out and get a dog.

So.

The SPCA has this beautiful dog. I bring him to the store.

I tell him, "sic Wal Mart, sic 'em boy, good boy". Be the best Write On! West Coast greeter ever. and...he has.

Poor thing. Puts up with soooo much crap. All that butt sniffing, treat eating, belly rubbing, staff taking him for 15 walks a day. Ruff life.

One problem.

When his-kind-clients attempt to hump him, well, he gets mad.

But really, how do you sell a computer to a customer, with a straight face, while their dog is dry humping yours? and your dog is growling at the horny dog.

Then the customer says, "well, seems your dog isn't interested, what's wrong with it?"

"What?! WTF?. "what did you just say?"

What is wrong with MY dog? EXCUSE me?

"You come in here to buy a computer, and your dog trys to hump my dog? and you have the nerve to ask me what is wrong with my dog?!" "How rude."

And, CLEARLY (with a audible 'sniff' for effect) your dog is a horny gay-dog, cause mine is male and so is yours.

So. (with hand on hip) Take your horny gay-dog and YOUR sorry ass outta my store.

The both of them, their tails between their legs leave my store.

Then I woke up.

Sweating. Did I say that? (I've been known to, well, not be the best customer service representative for my company, so I do have to ask)

I'm confused. Where am I?

The dog burps, the hubby farts, the sheets rustle...or, was that the dog farting?
(Hubby insists he has never farted since the dog arrived)

The dog humping bit? happened, yesterday.

Those words?

I did say them, but in-my-head, you know, to that little inside-you person, not to the customer.

Guess I really needed to say it, cause I dreamed it.

Um. You do have a little-inside-you that you talk to don't you? Tell me you do. please?

Gawd I hate Mondays.
I think my dog does too.

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